The good Hmong Girl Eats raw laab

Author(s):

Vang, K.

Format:

Book section

Publisher:

Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2012.

Language:

English

Abstract:

In this chapter, I will examine social and cultural implications of "a good Hmong girl" by addressing these questions: What does it mean to be a good Hmong girl or a bad Hmong girl? Who defines the good Hmong girl? Who practices it and enforces the rules? Moreover, what are the rewards and consequences for the Hmong girl and her family if she is not a good Hmong girl? Finally, would Hmong culture be diminished if there were no more good Hmong girls left? The kitchen is buzzing with the sounds of plates being stacked, forks and spoons being polished, and ladles scooping soup made with mustard greens and freshly slaughtered pork into bowls. Gao Nou releases a warm puff of breath onto the back of a spoon, making it moist so she can polish it. On the back of the spotless spoon, the young girl sees the reflection of women behaving like bees, each with a sense of purpose and determination. Her mother, who is hosting the ua neeb feast, shouts at her, "Just don't stand there! Be a good Hmong girl and start seting the table. The men are hungry." Gao Nou nods obediently as she silently contemplates the idea of a good Hmong girl. Lately, her mother has been directing the phrase at her, beginning and ending each sentence with "good Hmong girl": "Make sure you have dinner ready by the time your father and I get home from work because that is what good Hmong girls do!" "Good Hmong girls do not talk on the phone with boys. It makes them appear loose!" "If you want to be a good Hmong girl and have a good Hmong life, then do not comb your hair when it is wet after dark because you will not find a man to love you." "Good Hmong girls do not stay after school to play volleyball. There are men lurking in the gym and hallways who will suck your sweet nectar dry so you are no longer a fresh flower!" "Gao Nou!" yells her mother, snapping her out of her daydream. "Your younger sister is already seting the table for the men; make sure you remember to serve both the raw laab and the cooked laab." Once again Gao Nou nods obediently. She loves raw beef laab and cannot wait to savor the grity rice powder, hot peppers, cilantro, and green onions mixed into the minced beef and chopped tripe. Cooked laab holds back the flavors of the dish, Gao Nou thinks to herself as she slowly and diligently scoops the raw laab onto plates to be put on the table. Three metal folding tables are set end-to-end so as to make one long table with fifty chairs intrusively pushed against it. As though Aunt Blia and her daughters have sonar telling them the laab is ready, the women appear out of nowhere and gather the laab plates to set on the table. But no one can see the cheap, pressed wooden tops underneath the plastic table cover that has been taped tightly underneath. Her mother hisses, "You are moving too slowly! Aunt Blia's good daughters have already set the table." Her mother is right. The table is set with steaming jasmine rice, mustard greens and pork belly soup, chicken and bamboo soup, crispy fried pork, raw and cooked laab, and stir-fried mustard greens and hot pepper sauce. The elder men and married men sit at the table. A raisin-faced shaman sits next to Gao Nou's father at the center of the table. Before the ua neeb meal can begin, her father, brothers, and uncles together thank the shaman for his services for her younger brother who had been ill. The men pe to show their gratitude. To pe, they bow their heads, swinging their clasped hands toward the shaman while reciting words of appreciation before kowtowing onto their knees. Following these formalities, the father chooses two men to oversee the toasting and feasting, considered the culmination of a communal gathering that begins with the arrival of the txiv neeb in the early hours of the morning. Such lengthy preparations testify to the commitment of Hmong American women to their families. For important ceremonies, such as a neeb khu (a performance considered essential by Hmong Americans following a serious illness), two to four rounds of alcohol (served in two-, four-, or six-ounce wine glasses depending on the preference of the father and the two men overseeing the toasting) are typically poured before their meal is over. At the onset of the first round, people at the table are instructed to begin eating. The toasting at this time lasts twenty-five to forty-five minutes, depending on how quickly everyone drinks. The men make conversation as they feast on the dishes. While all of this is taking place, Gao Nou's heart sinks at the knowledge that there will be no more raw laab left by the time it is the women's turn to eat. Her family is traditional; therefore, the men eat before the women. All the women stand silently and submissively waiting to refill the diminishing dishes on the table. Gao Nou wants to break free from the chains of being a good Hmong girl, run up to the table and push her father and the shaman aside, and scoff down the plate of raw laab in front of them. She does no such thing; instead she is the good Hmong girl and serves the last of the raw laab to a drunken uncle from Madison whose crimson face tells her he will not be driving back right after the feast. When he abruptly leaps out of his chair and vomits on his way to the bathroom, her father laughs and says, "Gao Nou will clean it up." Gao Nou obeys her father and gets on her hands and knees with a cloth to clean up vomited laab on the carpet. Gao Nou is a good friend of mine, and I use her story as an entry point to examine the good Hmong girl concept. When it was time for the women to eat, Gao Nou had completely lost her appetite; besides, there was no more raw laab. In front of her, a gnawed fried pork rib with her uncle's crooked teeth marks reminded her that she was eating the men's leftovers. Both the chicken and pork soups were now cold, and the once-green mustard leaves floating in the soup appeared stale and brown. She wanted to shout at her parents and the guests that she was not a good Hmong girl, she was just plain hungry! In my view, while the ritual of men eating first and women eating second has changed somewhat since Hmong resetled in the United States, these changes do not demonstrate equality between the genders. For example, with some families, at religious feasts such as shaman ceremonies or wedding rituals, the men sit at the formal table while an informal table is set up for the women. I acknowledge this is a sign of progress, but I remain disturbed when the formal men's table is larger and set with the beter food and silverware. If the men's dishes need replenishing, do they still receive the best part of the food? I am tired of siting at the women's table, gnawing on the litle meat on a chicken neck while an uncle chews a hearty piece of chicken breast.1 Gao Nou is not the only woman I know who struggles with the responsibilities and constraints that Hmong society puts on her to be a good Hmong girl. As I composed this essay, my own experience as a Hmong woman formed an insider's perspective on traditions and values influencing Hmong family life. In fact, at various times in my life, I have been both a good and a bad Hmong girl. I am a good Hmong girl because I cleaned, cooked (I can kill and pluck a chicken by myself), took care of my younger siblings, graduated from college with a bachelor's degree, became a notable published writer, and established myself as a cross-cultural teacher and professional. Working in higher education and active in the community, I am aware of my family's history and the larger Hmong history and culture, and I have immense Hmong pride. However, I am also a bad Hmong girl because I do not always listen to my parents; I have been known to wake up late for our family's ua neeb ceremonies; in my teens I ran away from home and was involved with gang activities; I was arrested several times in my youth; I am divorced from an Asian man and now married to a Caucasian man. I do not believe in these standards of being good or bad, mostly created by our Hmong male-dominated culture. However, I accept that these are the parameters of what is considered to be good and bad in defining a Hmong girl. © 2012 by the Minnesota Historical Society. All rights reserved.

ISBN:

9780873518482 (ISBN)

Identifier:

HmongStudies3380